Do I speak of him in past tense or present tense?
It confuses people. Yet, he is never gone from me. I hold him close, I feel him without his physical body here. But that, too, is confusing for someone who has never been in my place of loss.
He was… Somehow, past tense has closure all over it. But there is never closure. It’s a word that others around me use to feel more comfortable, to be able to ask the questions. How long ago did he pass away? How did he die?
Past tense is less isolating. He died. Add -ed. So, I speak of him in past tense mostly.
Closure cauterizes what I need to continue to feel. I ask myself, “Is he dancing with the angels today?” Present tense.